MUSINGS - Anger
Anger: An emotional state that may range in intensity from mild irritation to
intense fury and rage. Anger has physical effects including raising the heart rate
and blood pressure and the levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. MedicineNet.
1. a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
2. Chiefly British Dialect . pain or smart, as of a sore.
3. Obsolete . grief; trouble.
Anger is a feeling that our society does not view very positively. As a
child, and I am sure most of you reading this, when I got angry I was told
to behave or go to my room. I personally became very afraid of my anger
because of a particular incident. I was angry and said to my mother one
time “I hate you, I wish you were dead.” She did die soon after that
comment, at least from my child’s memory, and I was mortified. As an
adult, I know I had nothing to do with her death, but the experience still
modifies my expression of my anger. I can count on one hand how many
times in my entire life I have really connected with my anger and said
something to somebody. I have become very good at repression. I do get
frustrated often and have come to learn it is a form of anger. But lately my
repression of my anger has not worked so well. It’s just right there and
sneaks out before I can catch it. I know it’s not healthy to repress my
anger nor is it healthy to place my feelings onto others. The training to
deal with anger or acceptance has not been readily available. There has
been a gradual change in our society to talk about anger and there are a
few authors with some helpful ideas of what to do with our anger. I found
an author, Karla McLaren “Language of Emotions”. Reading her book
has helped me to realize anger is not bad and has a lot of information to
give me about my experience. She believes when you are feeling angry
your boundaries are being challenged. She says “Healthy anger sets
your boundary and helps you engage more effectively because it allows
you to relate authentically and respectfully. When you have an awakened
connection to your anger and a clear sense of your own boundary, you’ll
be able to honor boundaries and individuality in others; therefore, your
relationships won’t be based on power struggles, projections, or
enmeshment.” I took this into action recently when a young niece would
not eat what I had fixed for her. I am sorry to say my anger did find a voice
but I saw what I was doing and stopped quickly. I realized the boundary I
felt she had crossed and emotionally I realized my own self as a child and
my mother doing the same thing to me. We think boundaries are about
control. The truth is we rarely have any control of situations. The only
thing we can do is change how we respond and listen to what our anger is
showing us. I feel like with my niece the next time I will be able to respond
very differently. I love my new perspective about anger and look forward
to creating healthy boundaries. I think it is important that I make peace
with my anger. I know that I can get lost in thought, planning and so on,
instead of feeling life. I am of the opinion what is truly special about life is
our feelings. So it’s time to stop repressing my feelings and see what
they are showing me. My best memories seem to be about how good
something felt not what I was doing or what I had achieved.
Copyright © 2008-2012 Ginger L. Brooks Denning
Quote from movie:
Dr. Buddy Rydell
"Dave, there are two
kinds of angry people
- explosive and
implosive. Explosive is
the type of individual
you see screaming at
the cashier for not
taking his coupon.
Implosive is the
cashier who remains
quiet day after day
and then finally shoots
everyone in the store.
You're the cashier."